My dear sweet girl reached another milestone yesterday, and boy am I ever proud.
This monumental achievement occurred as I was preparing Stella for her morning nap. Strung out from sleep deprivation, frazzled by her high-pitched screams of protest, and not up to wrestling a freakishly strong half-naked baby into a diaper, I decided that it would be much easier for everyone if I just put a little Elmo clip on the iPad and use distraction as my secret parenting weapon. Because I am a firm believer in lazy-ass parenting choosing my battles. Clearly, it’s far better to avoid a problem than to deal with it, that’s what I always say. AVOID CONFLICT! DISTRACT YOUR BABY WITH TV! GET HER HOOKED ON ELMO-CRACK EARLY!
The plan worked like a charm. Stella was enchanted by Elmo’s squeaky voice and use of third-person pronouns, and she was ready for her nap in no time. Until this moment arrived when I had to turn off the iPad.
A desperate arm reached out. Her body tensed as she began to whine. She threw her head back, as that tell-tale silence filled the room, and then with the force of 17 banshees, she released an ungodly, head-shattering sound. She began to thrash as though I was poking her little body with red-hot pokers, and then went limp, throwing her body to the ground. Realizing that the pounding of little fists and flailing of little limbs was not achieving the desired outcome, she turned to me and BIT ME, right on the collar bone. With clear biting intention. Baby's first temper tantrum.
I have been diligently studying the child development books, and memorizing milestone charts, and know that temper tantrums typically surface around 18 months. I was not prepared for this little gem of an achievement. I was under the clearly ridiculous assumption that I had eight more months before I had to face angry flails of protest. KID, YOU ARE TEN MONTHS AHEAD OF SCHEDULE.
If there is one skill that I would like my child to acquire early, I think I would take sleeping through the night. Or perhaps verbal communication. Hellz, I would even take crawling (all of which have yet to surface, btw). But no, my child chooses to be an advanced temper-tantrum-haver. Awesome.
See previous entry re: willful baby.
Also: she screamed for a solid hour and a half before she went to bed tonight. Just cuz. It’s the way she rolls.
Love this kid.