Insomniac Baby

Internet, I would like to complain for a while about the fact that my child does not sleep. Feel free to click away from this page, for I fully acknowledge the triteness and monotony of this topic: every parent has sleep problems, but come on, MINE ARE THE WORST, and PLEASE FEEL SORRY FOR ME, and AREN'T I SO STRONG AND AMAZING TO MANAGE LIFE EVEN THOUGH I HAVE AN INSONMIACSCREAMYMONSTER CHILD?


Anyway, I would like to say the following things:



  1. We are STILL waking up three to four times a night even as Stella's first birthday approaches. GAH.

  2. I am sleeping on a mattress on the floor in Stella's room and have no hope of ever sleeping in a grow-up room again. Ever. 

  3. Crying it out does not work; her will is sosososososososo much stronger than mine. 

  4. Yelling at your kid to "shut the front door and go back to sleep" does not work. I tired it, just FYI.

  5. All my old tricks of getting Stella to go back to sleep no longer work, which is so incredibly frustrating that last night I actually tried earplugs to drown out the noise, as I figured they would take the edge off just enough to prevent myself from screaming HULKSMASHNOSLEEP, ripping off my clothes and jumping through the bedroom window. While the earplugs did prevent a werewolf-like episode from occurring, they did little in the way of noise-reduction / sleep inducement. 

  6. When she tires of screaming, Stella starts singing to herself, waiving, and practicing handclaps (which would be cute, except, you know, 2 AM!) When this does not elicit the desired response, she goes back to screaming.

  7. When I am over tired, I am a massive bitch. (Poor, poor Mr. Chef.)

  8. I am incredibly thankful for Twitter, because I can complain to the internet in real time, and it does not judge.

  9. I hate 6 AM. I hate 5:30 AM even more. 

  10. A propos of nothing, I also got peed on last night. 

  11. I guess I should be thankful that she no longer wakes up 8 or more times per night. There is that. 

  12. Also, there is coffee.