The Gluten Free Hiker

Well, my dad is coming to visit us in a few weeks. My ol' Pops is visiting us en route to New Zealand where he will be hiking the Millford Trail (internet stalkers, NOW YOU KNOW!!!). 

I'm beyond excited about this visit, (not only because this presents an opportunity to re-up on coveted North American goods {chia seeds 4 lyf!!!!!1!}), but also because it means that there will be more trans-island trips in busses that are very likely not road-worthy, more corners of this great island discovered, and lots of wonderful (gluten free!) Indonesian food consumed.

Here's an interesting little factoid: my dad is gluten intolerant. And in the interest of all with whom he comes in contact with, it's best that he stick to his diet. As he will be tramping along the South Island on a guided expedition, his diet will be in the hands of the organizers. So, how does my father choose to inform the organizers of his dietary needs? Why in verse of course!! (PS I am not kidding. This is how my father actually elected to make a dietary request. Seriously.)

Now, for your reading pleasure, I present The Gluten Free Hiker as written by Popa Expatria (He's an expat too. So.)

The Perils of The Gluten-Free Hiker


Alas for all, “I am a gluten free hiker”

No, not a glutton free talker – but a gluten free walker

And as for the grub, no wheat, barley, or rye.

Missing that point causes more than a sigh…


Some get itch and some get fat,

For me I’m afraid there’s none of that.

It’s the mighty roar from behind my pack

That will blow fellow hikers off the track.


So please, take care of sustenance given.

Careless cooking won't make me smitten.

Malodorous flatulence awaits the crew.

Those who survive will be very few…


Queenstown reporters and cameras swarming

The papers will read: “Was there no warning?”

The end of a week that no one will like

And history will name this the “Ultimate Hike”!

 Reprinted with permission


Oh geeze. Now you have some idea of why I am the way I am.


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Erica Knecht7 Comments